So sorry I can’t attend! Haje, I’m glad you finally found the feedbag of a wife you told me you wanted when we were at university together. And Kate…dear, Kate…your personality problems make you impossible to deal with, but at least we can tally up exactly how much you’re worth in cold, hard cash. Cheers!
I didn’t even know you had my new address, and I certainly didn’t know you actually wanted it; if I had, it would have been yours years ago.
Contributed by Jack
Dear Future,
Remember me? I used to know you, but you already knew that, didn’t you…
I would love to be there, especially to see how much weight Kate has gained, and how much hair Haje has lost since our last encounter. Remember when you hit my car and didn’t leave a note when Roger got married to his pig?
Contributed by germanfreek
Dearest Haje and Kate
I cannot watch your wedding
I’m writing Haiku
Dear Peoples:
Most support of the loss of dear Kate in the Haje-machine from us. To be unlifed is very hard when young, especially for the old. Who are left.
Contributed by Paul
Dear Haje and Kate,
Sincere thanks from England for your invitation, which I notice was printed on 100% recycled non-chlorine bleached paper recycled from your previous nuptials and divorce settlements (how are Anne and Tom, by the way?). I am afraid however that my self-imposed carbon budget for this year simply does not permit me to take long-haul flights, and will thus take the option of watching your ceremony via live webstream instead.
Contributed by goldenkippers
My dearest Haje and Kate,
I am afraid I will not be able to attend your wedding. Unfortunately, Mama Chan four years ago gravely insulted the leader of my clan. If I were to attend, I would be bound by honor to dispatch her and her family, while destroying the establishment.
Contributed by mkb
Dear Kate,
While I was deeply touched that you thought to invite me to your wedding, I must send my regrets. I will not be able to attend.
Contributed by j3nny3lf
Haje, Katy,
Many thanks for the invitation, and glad to know you both still spare the
occasional thought for me. I’m not entirely surprised by the news, of
course, that you should come to this point along the road more travelled;
the road that you took the first steps on the week I had to spend in France with
my parents.
Contributed by call